A Mum letting go

8:55pm , 17th November 1996 I am holding her in my arms, just staring at her, she's mine, she's mine, she's mine. Am I really a Mum? Look at her she is soooo beautiful, her smell oh her smell, I can not get enough of her, wanting to never let her go. 

 

20 years later, I hold her hand and let her go. She is all grown up now and has left home. We raised our kids to leave us and they are.

He is my little boy, my youngest, my sweet wee man. He is 18 now and getting on a jet plane to join the Air Force, bye my son, bye my wee man, who I used to hold in my arms.

I am crying, sobbing I know they have to leave us and we want them to but they are my babies. They have to go, they want to go. I see them with excitement and adventures in their eyes, mine just fighting back the tears that I can't show. My heart hurts and sings at the same time. 

My emotions are all over the place, anticipation and excitement for them, and for us for our new adventures but it's a struggle to see the rooms empty out. 

Apparently this is called empty nest syndrome!  

I look at all the blogs, social media, magazine, TV shows, You tube channels focused on raising children. There is so much support and information out there now, it's great, especially for new Mums as it can be a lonely job. However there is not a lot when it comes to the other end of parenting, letting them go. Apparently the average age of children at home in New Zealand is 27!.  I could not believe that, a fully grown adult still living with parents at 27. 

So why at the age of 20 and 18 are our children leaving. It's simple really because they are adults and they need to be their own people have their own lives and most importantly take responsibility for it. When they were young we decided what sort of adults we wanted them to be and some of the characteristics they would need was independence and resilience. They had to learn skills to run their own lives, and it's sooo easy to run it for them and they will let you too. As a parent saying no and making tough decisions is very hard and often it is easier to fall back to doing it for them, or as Mr Dad would say, "you are enabling them"

Ms 20 left home to go flatting at the start of her second year at University, she was actually 19. We live in the same city so she could stay at home as most students do. However she needs her own space and place to spread her wings. She worked hard and saved all her money to have a cushion behind her to go flatting. She is a full time student as well as working to cover all her expenses, she is not financially dependant on us. 

Mr 18 is the same, having worked in school holidays since he was 15. He brought his first car and covered all running costs at the age of 17. The last 18 months have been dedicated to getting accepted into the Air Force, the goal which he achieved. He is also independent and not financially dependant on us and can't wait to get on that plane.

As parents this is the type of adult we wanted our children to be, we love to see them succeed on their own and not need us, no matter how painful that is because that is our job, to be parents. To show them the way to the door and watch them run out it into the sunshine!

 

 

 

 

 

Valentines Dinner meal planning on a budget

Pete and I always make sure that we take the time to do something nice on our Wedding Anniversary, and because it falls in February we have our very own Valentine celebration. Every year we make sure that we celebrate in style. The last two years, we have had lovely holidays away to celebrate. So, this year it was going to be at home. None the less, it was still going to be special. I love having a genuine experience with the person who rocks my world.  So this year we decided that we would indulge in a big feast.

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We both love to cook together, however we don`t get much quality time during the normal weekly madness to do this.  So to have an excuse to stop and enjoy was perfect. It also helped that eating at home was going to be cheaper as we have some financial goals this year and need to stay on budget.

First things first, decide on the menu, which had to be three courses...because we were going all out. We got all our recipes from a beautiful cook book given to us by our dear friends (you know who you are) called "Feast, Our Food out east". It's filled with delicious recipes from eateries and local people from Gisbourne and the East coast.  I just love the illustrations of the magic that is the East coast and their bounty of cuisine.

After a bit of discussion (like any good marriage)  we came up with the following menu:

The Menu

Entree - Mussel and Bacon soup

Main - The Grill Room's Beef Fillet with Parsnip Puree and Mushroom Dressing

Dessert- Home made Passionfruit Ice Cream and Donuts East Coast style

 

The planning

Now that the menu was sorted, it was just a matter of working out what we needed to buy and when. The fresher the better, so we shopped for most of the fresh produce on the day. We shopped at our local food market, Simply Fresh, it's an excellent local community hub and has fabulous variety of fresh produce from vegetables, fruit to meat, poultry and almost everything in between......and if you spend over $40 you get a free coffee (and the coffees good). 

The rest of the planning was just ensuring that we had everything sorted in the kitchen and pantry all ready to go for the big cooking session. Also, just working through how long it would take to make each course.......you don`t want to still be cooking at 2am !

We actually prepared a couple of dishes, Ice cream and donuts before the evening. Its good to make as much as you can beforehand to reduce the amount of work to do on the night.

The Table Setting

I love decorating the table and making a lovely setting. It took all of my will power to resist going out and buying up a storm on lovely new dinning accessories, glassware, cutlery and so on. The rule was to shop the house. Confession time, I did however manage to find two beautiful big soup bowls from Nest and two gorgeous dark blue dinner plates at our local thrift shop for $2 each. However everything else from the home. 

I layered up the plates so we had a clean plate already for each course and the same for the glasses. The best part was that I got to use my beautiful antique cutlery service (Wedding gift from my Nana). Oh a hint: it's the 'outside in' if you were wondering!  When I was setting them up I realised that I really need to use these a lot more as it seems a shame just to keep such beautiful objects housed away for the occasional use.....I think I have found another goal for the year.! Like I need another one.

As I am not really a fan of Valentine themed decor...., I used the exisiting table runners and placemats as I really like them and the colours went well together.  I was really happy with the end look, not over the top, functional, cheap and my style ...hmm feeling good. 

A bit of splurging was done on some nice flowers from the local florist, she made up a bunch for me for $34. The bunch was a mix of me and Petes favourites.

 

The cooking

This is the part that Pete and I love, sharing the cooking experience, and then sitting down together to enjoy what you have just made together. 

We work to our strengths, Pete's good on the actual cooking part, especially the meat and I am good at getting the all ingredients chopped and ready and making salads. So if you are venturing into the kitchen to cook together it's helpful to work out what each of you will do, best to do what you are good at.......and if you both good at the same thing......well your stuffed!!!! My advise here would be just try not to argue too much and get in each others way.

 

The soup was first up and it was sooo yummy. It was very easy to cook, and the dish meant that we could cook it a bit early and eat it when we were ready, which we did.

And so it continued for each course, taking it slow to allow time to digest, enjoy and cook. I have to say we did consume a bit of wine. It's amazing how much you get through while cooking as well as eating...be warned!!!

Is was about 11pm when we finished up with the dessert and coffee and the homemade Ice cream which was to die for!

Okay, so what about the dishes? We actually cleaned and cleared as we cooked, so there was not a lot left at the end of he night. So it wasn't an issue....and there was no way either of us could face a big mess of dishes at the end of the night. 

It was a fabulous night, lots of fun and it only cost $83, pretty cheap I think for a great night! 

So if you are looking for a low key, romantic and cheap Valentines night I would totally recommend this. 

Enjoy my little love bird!